Healing Masculinity Wounds (Part II)
Masculinity is something that many men hold as part of their identity. Yet, masculinity is a construct that holds societal conditioning of what it means to be a man. Most men have bought into and internalized the narrative of what masculinity is and how it guides the way they operate in the world.
Yet, masculinity is a construct that we are in relationship with rather than a reflection of who we are. I find it interesting how many men become activated (triggered) when we talk about masculinity as if it’s a personal affront on them and their manhood.
Yet the definitions we associate with masculinity often have a limiting effect on the ways men can express themselves, the roles they can play, and how they are in relationship with women and other men. Some of the messages include, you have to be strong, can’t show vulnerability, and don’t cry or express emotions at all. The emotions that are most often allowed - anger and joy, but sadness and fear, not so much. At the same time, the suppressed emotions often take us into our shadow where shame often resides.
Deviating from the masculinity narrative often leads to forms of shame among many men. This shame creates a spiral and wounding that many men are unconscious is happening all of the time. It inhibits many men and limits their access to their full authentic expression.
In many of my conversations and spaces with men, I’m struck by the fears that limit so many men from being vulnerable in the company of other men. I believe that many men are yearning for deeper connection and conversations that require vulnerability. I also believe that many men are yearning for and at the same time afraid of true intimacy.
I often say that as men we are yearn for intimacy, misunderstand love, and settle for sex. At the same time, deep connections among men often remain superficial at best. They say, men stop making friends at 35 and take on the friend circles of their significant others.
When I think about the healing work for men - love, sex, and intimacy is core work that allows for true authenticity, deeper connection, and a meaningful sense of purpose. These are the core ingredients for men' to thrive and contribute fully in the world. The world needs men to step up in new ways, in liberated ways, to bring their full and integrated selves to the table. Societal challenges are only getting more complex and require new ways of thinking and being that will allow for healing.
When we help men heal the wounds of masculinity that have limited and constricted most men, we open a gateway to healing in the world. A healing that builds compassionate bridges across gender, shifts power dynamics, reframes leadership and success models, and reimagines systems and structures that create a new possibility for transforming cultures. Healing men opens the door for healing for all.